The Mature Man

       This article examines the 12 things that mature when DON't do! I find it very interesting that someone can categorize what mature man should and shouldn't do but this is an editorial piece and therefore it is completely personal opinion. While reading the 12 steps to becoming a mature man I realized the perception of the writer was very sure that these were the answers to creating the mature man. Articles like these make you feel like you are supposed to be meeting a certain standard and if you don't, in this case you are not a "mature" man. After further deliberation of the article I found the author at the bottom, Amy McDonnell. These 12 characteristic she listed are quick glance into the authors perception. This is McDonnell's version of what she thinks a mature man shouldn't be doing.
  

  I will admit I did agree with a few of the items she listed but it felt like a check list for myself and others to judge a man if he meets the standards of a mature man. The list also feel like it is embedded in the hegemonic socionormative society we live in, in short, gendered roles. For example item 6 says "They (mature men) don't run away from difficult situations" and in the text below it says "Mature men will fight head on". This is furthering the idea that men need to be tough and in a way deal with any problems with physical aggression. This is ironic consider item 5 says "mature" men don't get angry and should use words to solve conflict... huh. These list of traits are very representative of what the author believes is the mature man, and I wouldn't stand by these as the cornerstone to becoming a mature man.
      There are many things that we could add to this list but what I think is most important is that a man can make his own decision to figure out what makes him a responsible human being. There are definitely things to take away from this article including putting family and significant other first, working on not being angry (and fulfilling that stereotype), and being responsible enough to not get crazy every night. From reading this article I can say that there are definitely some good tips to think about but I don't think I need to adhere to a set of guideline to prove to myself that I am a mature man.
      The article is an ideal that one person has of men, and how they view what a mature man shouldn't do, I believe ideals and lists like these put men into categories that can be hard to break away from because everyone is expecting of them to fit this mold. It is important to remember that you don't have to fit the cookie cutter idea of society and you can make the choices you want, even if they are considered "unmanly". Speaking to "A man" by Alanis Morissette don't put pressures on us we don't need if we are trying to better ourselves and break free from the societal norms that are engraved into everyone of us.

Suggested Reading:

The Mature Man: Becoming a Man of Impact

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mature-Man-Becoming-Impact/dp/1466439394

Suggested Music:
Simon and Garfunkel--> I am a Rock

Neil Yong--> Old Man

Suggested to watch:

How to become a man in different cultures!

Khobragade: An Intercultural Disaster

       Devyani Khobragade was caught in the midst of diplomatic controversy. She was charged with visa fraud and falsifying documents to get her domestic help Sangeeta Richard in to the United States. Her problems stemmed from her helper Richard when she got a lawyer to sue Khobragade for not paying her the correct amount of money for her work. They had established an agreement in India that she would be making roughly $350 dollars a month when in all actuality she should have been making $4500 a month because minimum wage in the US is considerable higher than India. This incident caused Khobrogade to be arrested for visa and document fraud, and while she was being processed in to the system she was strip searched, had her DNA tested, and supposedly was treated very poorly for being part of the Indian consulate in New York.

       This turned into an international disaster when India found out about her treatment while being processed for her crime, and they said it was morally and ethically wrong for the way her case was handled, and were upset that she was treated as a common criminal. The story goes into further detail but the main point I am trying to make is that not all the facts were looked at before people reacted.
       I believe the situation was taken out of hand, I believe both government should have reviewed the documents promising Richard a certain pay for her work with Khobraugade. The indian government also said that she should have receive immunity from this treatment because she part of the consulate, although she wasn't officially a diplomat. Speaking from an intercultural standpoint I believe that the US should have treated her with some immunity so both countries could get to the bottom of this situation.

     We were not very open-minded about the situation and did not consider any Indian law before pursuing Khobragade with charges on fraud. There are two very different cultures involved in this issue, and we did not give India the respect we should have. Devyani Khobragade obviously made some poor decisions regarding her domestic help Sageeta Richards and how she was paid, but things got out of hand when this issue could have been solved over a meeting of international parties and the persons directly involved. I believe if we were patient and waited for all of the facts to come through we would have had an easier time solving this issue, and also avoided the international disaster we are still currently in.

Suggested Music:
       I chose this song because we just need to figure this issue out and shake it off. Regarding this case many mistakes were made and many people are upset, but we can't let this ruminate forever. Many people are pointing fingers of who did what, but most importantly is we solve this case diplomatically and move on.

Taylor Swift "Shake it Off"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

Suggested Reading:
       The book below goes in to depth about international law, and the Khobragade case was featured in a section regarding international relations and diplomatic immunities.

Teachings on Basic Topics in Public International Law

 By Amos Enabulele, Bright Bazuaye

Suggest Media:
       A full interview with Devyani Khobragade regarding this incident and her future plans.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgH4ejgRMuI

Interplay Ch 2, Culture and Interpersonal Communication

       Chapter 2 was a guide to learning the do's an don'ts of intercultural communication. We live in a very diverse area and I think it is important we are aware of our own culture but more importantly others. Being able to have the patients and mindfulness to try and communicate with someone of a different culture is very important because it also helps us to be more aware of our own actions and behaviors. This chapter gives us the necessary tools to approach others of different cultures or even people in our own culture (age, gender, sex, socioeconomic status etc.) and successfully communicate.
       The text offers 5 categories to develop intercultural communication competence. Motivation and attitude, tolerance for ambiguity, open-mindedness, knowledge and skill, and lastly patience and observation. These tools are a set of guidelines which can translate into valuable skills for communicating with others from different cultures. Through learning to accept others and their cultural backgrounds I have gained the ability to censor myself and behavior with people in my own community. These tools have helped me develop a better set of communication skills and improve how I perceive a potential communication difficulty and accept the challenge with open arms. It can be a struggle to figure out how to behave in front of others, and it can even be upsetting when neither person understands. I think communication competence should be widely implemented to everyone and maybe there wouldn't be so many disagreements.
    The part of the chapter that caught me was the idea of power distance, which describes the degree to which members of society accept unequal distribution of power. My high school had a very large Chinese and Korean population and I got to know many of them very well because I took a lot of the same classes. After getting to know them I realized the way they treated their parents and figures of authority was in very high regard. I would call many of my teachers I liked by their first names, but many of my Asian friends were always very formal in the way they talked to adults. Most surprisingly was their relationship with their parents. Their parents had very high expectation of them and whatever their parents said was final, even the classes they took. Compared to the rest of us who barely listened to half the things our parents were telling us. In ways it was a culture shock because I didn't understand why they were so obedient to their parents and authoritative figures. At that time I had visited Singapore and Korea a few years prior so it was interesting to see how even though they were in America the cultural background was still highly respected and learned. We are all a little bit different, and it is important to accept those differences and learn something new.

-Morgan

The Mirror

What is the mirror stage?

       According to Jacques Laccan on his reinterpretation of Freud work he introduced the "Mirror Stage" which is the stage at which an infant sees an image of the self usually from a mirror and produces a psychic response which symbolizes the awareness of "I". Building on this scholars have began to understand the mirror image beyond infancy and said the this stage also represents how we see ourselves as a way of trying to make sense of the world. We strive to complete our own self-image but it is not complete with the influence of outside comparisons. We have an ideal image of ourselves but when we see the "I"in the mirror, its not quite right. We as individuals are always seeking knowledge in hope to create a more perfect self but the current "I" is always not as we hoped.  Laccan also says that after we have developed a concept of our "I" we look beyond input from ourselves, and crave input from others to help develop our self image.

What do you think behavioralists are describing about someone when they say "He/ she has not 
         stopped looking in the mirror"?

       This statement goes beyond just self-worship or narcissism. When someone has "not stopped looking in the mirror" it lead me to believe that they are describing someone who is not quite sure of who they are. Or, they are not exactly white sure of their self image compared to their ideals selves. Behaviorist might say that this person is struggling to fit their own image of who they want to be. They might also say that others have given them expectation of who they are but they are not living up to what those people think or how they would like to be viewed. Someone has not stopped looking in the mirror because they want to figure out who they really are, instead of the ideal image they are trying to see.


Citations

Gamel, T. (2009, January 1). Summary of Lacan’s “The Mirror Stage as Formative of the Function of    
       the I as Revealed in Psychoanalytic Experience" Retrieved January 15, 2015, from  
       http://www.academia.edu/1539509/Summary_of_Lacan_s_The_Mirror_Stage_as_
       Formative_of_the_Function_of_the_I_as_Revealed_in_Psychoanalytic_Experience_

Lacan: The Mirror Stage. (n.d.). Retrieved January 15, 2015, from                                                                    
     http://www.english.hawaii.edu/criticalink/lacan/

Interplay Ch 4, Perceiving Others

       Ch 4 is all about how we perceive others. There are so many internal and external factors that can affect our perception of others, either negative of positive. Anything from cultural background to information accessibility can change the way you view others. It is interesting to think how many little distractions or nuances if our life can persuade us to either think poorly or highly of someone. After the exstensive list of perception influence the authors went on to discuss perception checking. This bit got me thinking about how I perceive people and react to them but, I never thought of checking my perceptions.
       The three steps to perception checking seem pretty easy to follow 1) description of behavior 2) 2 possible interpretations and 3) clarification. In reality, I felt as though it would be hard to remember and enact these steps during communication. There are shorter ways to the process, but I wonder how one would catch themselves that easily. I only say this because as the text mentioned we seem to "judge out selves charitably", and it would be hard to stop and imagine that your own perception is wrong. Working though perceptions is what I would like to think as the first steps to building empathy.
       I transition to the topic of empathy because for me it is something I am currently working on. I always mixed up sympathy and empathy, because I thought, of course I have empathy, I show concern for people everyday. Although, I realized I was seeing there troubles from my point of view. When someone is telling me a personal story or problem, my first instinct is solve the problem or compare their story to something I heard before. I have learned that is not empathy. Even reading the text, I feel as though I have all the necessary requirements for empathy, but sometimes I revert back o my sympathetic ways. Empathy is definitely a process, something I have acknowledged I lack, but still something I am working on because it is a very important form of communication that builds deeper connections. Being able to show someone empathy is a very powerful thing, and I believe it has helped change my perception of others and myself.

-Morgan

Interplay Ch 3, Interpersonal Communication and the Self

       Chapter 3 was focused on understanding our selves, how we see ourselves or how we would like to be percieved. It was interesting to see the amount of time we spend trying to mold ourselves into an image that could be far from our true selves. This chapter further explores how we change our self based on situations or display different identities depending on what role we are trying to play. It can be hard to understand who you truly are because there are so many social expectations for us to follow. We end up relying on reflected appraisal, social comparison, and reference groups to really understand who we are and hopefully represent a self we can be honest and proud of.
       The content of this chapter was awesome and I had a lot to think about while reading it, but the part that stood out for me was the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy. I have heard of the concept before, but I never thought of a "prophecy" coming from another person and the direct affect it can have on you. Encouragement is great tool and it really helps to boost your confidence and self-esteem in any situation. I realized though, that there are people in my life who have believed in me and given me the expectation to achieve, and in the end this prophecy was fulfilled.
      If I ever feel anxious, stressed, or worried I usually discuss it with my girlfriend (Michaela) who I live with and she is able to help me out and communicate the expectation that I can do it! During this first week of school I was trying to get into a class I was waitlisted for, but the professor was not helping me in the way I had hoped. I talked with Michaela about how I worried about graduating, and having to change financial aid, etc. She calmly told me that she believed I have the ability to work through this issue, and know that I will figure it out because I am smart and confident and if I really want to, I can get into that class.
       I only looked at this as encouragement, but I now understand this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. She communicated the belief and expectation, and I gave myself that expectation to be able to achieve this goal. Luckily, this prophecy did come true and I was able to get an override in to the course. The power of positive influence is an incredible thing and I will be more aware how others have the ability to affect my life.

- Morgan Beaumeir